Movie Review: CRAZED

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CRAZED was written by Kevin A. McCarthy and Michael McCarthy and directed by Kevin McCarthy (with guest director Edward Payson) and stars Michael McCarthy, Jordan Elizabeth, R.A. Mihailoff and Kane Hodder.

Remember that pizza you ate about 10 years ago?  You had it a couple of times and then you mostly forgot about it but you still think about it now and again…because you like pizza.   It wasn’t the best pizza you have ever had but it was still pretty darn good pizza and quite popular.  The pizza place just sort of mostly went away, but people still talk about it sometimes.  Then this new pizza place opens and when you hear about it, it seems like this new pizza is kind of like the aforementioned good pizza which (incidentally) you and Jessica Alba ate in 2005 when you and she went on the double date with Robert Rodriguez and Bruce Willis to grab a slice of pizza and then go to see that movie based on a graphic novel that they were all part of.  Yes, Willis and Rodriguez were an item.  Bruce was in his “experimental phase”.  Don’t believe me?  Ok, then explain the title “Die HARD.”  See where I am heading here?  Anyway you get some of this new pizza and it turns out it is kind of like that pizza, but only if that pizza was made of the cardboard box instead of dough and the sauce was ketchup instead of tomato sauce and the cheese, well you don’t want to know.  Crazed is like the new pizza.  It wants you to think it is like the old pizza…but it. Just. Isn’t.

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I do generally enjoy watching violence on film and Crazed gives you plenty of that.  Lots of violence.  It’s not really horror; it’s more of a very violent action film.  I enjoyed some of the kills but the rest of the film was fairly awful to be honest.  The dialogue is stale; most of the acting is awful and overacted to the point of being almost comical.  Think early Bruce Campbell without the talent or charisma.  The next issue is the plot.  The film has so much going on that there is almost nothing going on if that makes sense.  It seems cobbled together.  Like 10 different films smashed into 98 minutes.  It includes the following: revenge, kidnapping, murder, torture, child murder, child molestation, S & M, drugs, human trafficking, organ trafficking and the list continues.   The issue is that attempting to put all that together is like attempting to make a car with 5 engines, 3 transmissions, 2 gas tanks and nothing else.  It just isn’t going to run.   Onto the music: every song sounds like a rip-off of someone else: fake Marilyn Manson, fake Skrillex, fake Prodigy and I don’t even know who else.

If you love super-cheesy dialogue, bad acting, and lots of violent action then this is for you.  If not…skip it.  One last thing: the mighty Kane Hodder is in it, but he is in the film for one tiny part.  Do not watch this just for him.  His total screen time is about 3 minutes. Currently available on various digital platforms and available on DVD as of 11/8/16. – Dan MacNeil

Distributor: Uncork’d Entertainment

Run Time: 98 Minutes

Rating: NR

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